Saturday, April 11, 2015

I'm Not a Runner?

 I don't like running.  I don't like shoes (and good shoes are mandatory in running).... I don't like the way my body feels after running.... I don't like the rushed nature of the sport.... I especially don't like it in the freezing temperatures of winter, or in the blazing heat of the summer (unless you get out before 6:00... which is why I run in the dark, after putting all to bed).... Not in a box, not with a fox, not in the house, not with a mouse, not in the rain, not on a train, I do not like it here or there, I do not like it anywhere!!!  I run because I like to eat, and I don't need a gym membership to do it.

To make matters worse I also have a healthy fear of running.  I'm fearful of injury and tripping.  I'm afraid of getting hit by a car or getting assaulted while on one of those dark night runs (which is why I carry mace.... a large, large bottle of mace).  And mostly I fear the creatures of the night.  OH NO IT'S A PTERODACTYL!!!... oh wait... my mistake... it's just a satellite dish... and aren't pterodactyls extinct?  And when I run a little too close to the lake.... WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?!!.. I'm pretty sure it was Nelly herself, crashing through the trees, and diving into the water.... or maybe not.  I've decided that my ears and eyes become especially perceptive while running in the dark, so I don't care if it really is just an overturned garbage can, it looks like a bear, so I believe that's the universes way of telling me to take another route... I'm flexible like that.  Take someone with me you say... I do on occasion, but my husband is unable to stay awake past 9:00.... and my dog, the one with the lean muscular frame, and long legs, the one who looks like he NEEDS to run... oh he doesn't leave the yard past 8:00... a dog needs his rest.      

Do you want to know what bothers me the most about this torturous sport????   It's that I know every possible five mile running route in my tiny town..... That any run under 8 miles is considered a 'short' run.... I know what songs on my I Pod naturally match my stride, and which ones encourage me to pick up my pace (Oh be quiet, and thank you Mumford and Sons).... I know what a runner's tie is, I know that running with water bottles in both hands actually helps my carpal tunnel.... and I know how long, within minutes, I'll be gone on a 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, or 10 mile run.  I guess I'm getting to know my enemy.  So although I don't like running, is it possible that I've become a runner????

I guess I can find some good.... like these cool spring mornings when I can actually enjoy the scenery of our beautiful little valley....

I love this fence, and it's a good thing too because I follow it for more than two miles at least once a week.

I don't have too much more time when I get to run in the light, 6:00 am runs aren't really my thing (you have to truly love the sport to have those early morning start times).   So I'll enjoy these daylight runs while I can, and when the heat comes, I'll find some enchantment in watching the night sky for shooting stars, because.... Man I really don't like running.


  1. Wow! I am so impressed. 10 miles?!?! you really have become a runner. I totally get it though... just yesterday I overheard someone mention that I really like to work out. I had to correct them. I hate it. I hate every second of it. Just like you, I even hate how I feel after I do it (normal people don't feel this way, I've discovered) but I do it because I can't afford new jeans and I want to eat. Take comfort in the fact that your scenery is MUCH more beautiful than mine. p.s. I'm reminded of our Santa Run most days when I lace up my running shoes... hugs!

  2. For someone who doesn't like running, you sure do it well. I wish I could say the same about the things I hate doing--laundry, dishes, toilets--generally all house cleaning.