Growing Up

I'm in the market for a machine that can freeze time, does anyone have any leads?  I feel like I'm constantly being force to move forward before I'm ready.... Jonas is almost nine..... Sol grimaces when I kiss him.... and now this (prepare yourself).....

I don't argue when my older two ask for their ultra short, maintenance free hair cuts each summer, but my Abe, I can't do it.  His ratty locks are my favorite, oh how his eyes mischievously twinkle from behind those bangs, and I love tucking a tuft behind his ear when I brush it from his eyes.  But now.... gone.... and with it he embarks even further into boyhood leaving babyhood rapidly behind. 

He watched his brothers shed their messy tresses, peering enviously from under his own untidy mane, and despite his desire, held back from even asking, knowing that I love his long hair.  Really I had not choice but to painfully give permission, if at four he is already selfless enough to not even ask, I think at 35 I can surrender control on his hair choice.  I took one last picture, and then excused myself, I knew his hair cut would age him far more than I was ready to see.

It's only a haircut..... or is it?  Already this week I felt useless with no one to carry at hiking group.  Everyday the household becomes a little more independent.  Some independence I'm ready to welcome, like cutting your own waffles, tying your own shoes, or even wiping your own bum.... but maybe others can wait?

I think I'll always miss his long hair, but I've adjusted and realized it's still me he reaches for in the middle of the night, and it's my name he calls when he needs to be comforted..... and Jonas still holds my hand when we go out.... and even my mature six year old Sol asks for a bed time kiss, even if he discretely wipes it off when he thinks I'm not looking..... and..... how long does it take for a buzz cut to grow out??????